


Lost sunshine

by Twisted_PDnim



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Crying, Depression, Don't Judge Me, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Sad Choi youngjae, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 21:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12590912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twisted_PDnim/pseuds/Twisted_PDnim
Summary: It all happen so fast,“andwae!”In just a blink of an eye“Hyung…please! Don't leave!”They say life is short so make the most of it“Hyung! HYUNG! please speak to me!…”But why is it that when your having the greatest moment of your life,“please...I need you so much”time seem to go by so fast,“please...Don't leave me alone!”And it start to feel like there never enough…“Not when I need you the most…”it becomes limited.“please...”





	Lost sunshine

_ It all happen so fast,  _

 

“andwae!” 

 

_ In just a blink of an eye _

 

“Hyung…please! Don't leave!” 

 

_ They say life is short so make the most of it _

 

“Hyung! HYUNG! please speak to me!…” 

 

_ But why is it that when your having the greatest moment of your life,  _

 

“please...I need you so much” 

 

_ time seem to go by so fast, _

 

“please...Don't leave me alone!”

 

_ And it start to feel like there never enough… _

 

“Not when I need you the most…” 

 

_ it becomes limited. _

 

“please...” 

 

_ you're rushed.  _

 

“h-hyung.. ”

 

_ And then…  _

 

“hyung please” 

 

_ your timer  stop.. _

 

“open your eyes…” 

 

_ And everything becomes pitch black _

 

“please wake up…”

 

_ In just a blink of an eye… _

 

“You can't die on me!” 

_ It's ends _

  
  


It was like the world stop moving like time froze like time and space itself paused for a slight minute. The ground became so fragile like it was made of ice or glass and the air became so thick and suffocating. It's like the sound all around, every bird chirp every phone that ringed and the muttering voice become mute. All around, crowds of people chatting so happily without a single thought in their mind. While here he stood heartbreaking breath caught in his throat as he read the message in his cell. That one message that sent yugyeom out the door with tears running down his eyes. But how could it be? How didn't he see it? The signs the warning that flashed so bright right in front of him. He should have know and never should have left him alone. 

 

**_Yugyeom ah… i don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired… please forgive me…. But i just can't take it anymore… i want to die… i'm sorry kim yugyeom… goodbye..._ **

  
  


Yugyeom sob hysterically as he ran through the narrow halls racing towards the stairway, nearly slipping as he slid while turning at a corner. His palm shaking while he desperately tried to call to JB and jinyoung or mark but no one pick up. Stomping his feet as he raked his finger through hair yugyeom pushed the stairway door open racing down towards the first floor of the hotel. 

 

“hyung,  please pick up" yugyeom plead 

 

_ We're sorry the number you have dialed is-. _

 

_ “fuck!” yugyeom cursed as he slam his fist  _ against the wall. 

 

Yugyeom continued to call and call but nothing no answer from the other side. “pick up pick up!” he growled as he ran through the street of Seoul. Yugyeom trips over his own feet causing him to scrape his knees and tiring his new jeans and sweat jacket. Yugyeom pushed himself up limping as he continues to run breathlessly.  _ please god save him!  _ Cried yugyeom. 

 

Yugyeom banging on the front door his fist slamming harder and harder as he cried out his name. Yugyeom stop and began to search The patio thoroughly for the key. “come on! Fuck! Where is it!” yugyeom shouted as he pushed his hair back. 

 

“Hyung!! Please open up please hyung! Please!” 

 

Suddenly it hit him, yugyeom reach up over the ledge of the door and found the key. His hand shaking as he tried to insert the key but struggled. Cursing as he kept failing but didn't quit he couldn't he wouldn't he had to open the door. Finally the key went in; unlocking it yugyeom slam open the door as he ran inside shouting and calling as he look into every room and bathroom. when finally he reached the last bedroom door, the last room to check. Yugyeom turn the doorknob carefully and cautiously opening it. Startled but a small white figure that ran towards him yugyeom jumped. 

 

“coco ya… coco ya where is he??” yugyeom whisper as he pass coco and entered the room. 

 

The bedroom was pitch black and the only light there is was coming from the bathroom. Yugyeom rushed over towards the open bathroom down. Yugyeom cover his mouth. “god please-" 

 

Suddenly his phone begins to ringing. Answering it with no hesitation. 

 

_ “hello? Yugyeom? What wro-"  _

 

“hyung! Please help me hyung!” yugyeom sob. 

 

_ “yugyeom what's the matter?!”  _

 

Yugyeom hic as he tries so hard to explain but struggles as the words got stuck in his throat. 

 

_ “Yugyeom! What's wrong talk to me!”  _

 

“hy-hyung i don't know what to do!” 

 

_ “Yugyeom! What's the fuck is happening?!” _

“youngjae hyung he...” 

 

And just like that yugyeom lets go of his phone and runs toward the young boy that laid on the bathroom floor lifeless. Yugyeom falls to his knees and pulls youngjae onto his lap tears falling his cries cracking as he caresses youngjae face. Begging for him to open his eyes and pleading for this to be some type of nightmare. 

 

“Hyung!!! Please don't leave me!! HYUNG!!! WAKE UP PLEASE!” yugyeom shouts. 

 

Yugyeom lean in to place a kiss on youngjae forehead, his lips trembling as he cried a whisper of hope. 

 

“i love you so much” 

 

Pulling youngjae close into his arm, yugyeom rocked back and forth, pleading for him to wake up.  Placing youngjae back on the ground he pressed his ear against his chest. Yugyeom eyes widen, youngjae heart was still beating but slowly. Yugyeom rushes to grab his phone. 

 

“ _911 what's your emergency?_ ” 

 

“my friend need help!” 

 

“ _what's wrong sir i need you to tell me what happen?”_

 

“He not breathing !! His wrist are bleeding and-and I rhink he-he drank some-some p-pills ! Please s-save him-him” 

 

_ “sir I'm need you to calm down please”  _

 

“I can't fucking calm down my friend dying!!” yugyeom shouted

 

suddenly  jinyoung voice was heard “Youngjae ah!” followed by JB and jackson 

Mark and bambam already running into the bathroom and rushing towards youngjae. 

Yugyeom breaking into tears as he see jinyoung walk in. Jackson quickly grabs the phone and giving the lady the address and informing her how bad youngjae look and if he breathing. The lady gave jackson some instruction for him to do as the Ambulance made their way over to them. Yugyeom rush into jinyoung arms sobbing painfully as the older rub his back. Jinyoung understood how hard it must have been for yugyeom to see this and be alone not knowing what to do and to feel useless. Yugyeom body shook as he gasped for air after each cry. 

 

“why did he do it hyung!? Why!” was all that yugyeom said 

He couldn't understand why youngjae did something like this. He wasn't sure what cause him to think of dying or what give him the thought of doing something like this and not stop and think of something like his future. Jb pat yugyeom back tears forming in his eyes as he watched the younger cry. The paramedic rushed into the room and Perform CPR then rushed youngjae into the ambulance; Mark going with them. 

 

“what if i didn't see the message… what if i had my phone off? Why would he message me!?” asked yugyeom. 

 

“because he trust you and i guess he knew you'd be there to save him" said JB 

 

“hyung i was so scared… i couldn't believe my eyes hyung… i was so scared" 

 

Jinyoung pulled yugyeom into his arms as he pet his head, “i know you were yugyeom, i understand but it's okay now you did good" 

 

Jackson joined into the hug tears streaming down his cheeks. Bambam following behind as he couldn't help but cry. Mark sat at the corner hiding his face with his hoodie as he sob quietly JB walk over towards mark and pat his back.  

 

“it's okay to cry mark,  you don't have to hide” 

 

Mark look up at JB his eyes swollen red, JB pulled him close allowing mark to cry in his shoulder. Mark let out a cry that could break a mother cry. 

 

“why'd he do it? He was always so happy… he laughed and didn't show a single sign.” mark question. 

 

“even the happiest person can be the most depress human being" Jaebum said his voice cracking. 

 

The sunrays that pierce through youngjae eyelids waking him from his slumber. Youngjae stayed laying down as he stared out the window watching the little bird that sat peacefully on the beautiful full of green leaves  branch. The warmth from the sun felt so good against youngjae skin; Closing his eyes and taking in the silence and warmth youngjae laid peacefully on the hospital bed.  _ I'm alive… _ was the only thought that entered his mind. 

The hospital door suddenly opens and the sound of voice follow behind it. Youngjae open his eyes as he slowly pushes himself up on his elbows to see his friends. Mark the first to spot him runs over towards youngjae and pulls him into a hug. Jackson following behind and jumps onto the bed and tackles youngjae back down. Bambam rushing over on the other side and joining in on the hug. 

 

“come on get off him let him breathe” says JB 

 

Mark pulls away tears running down his cheeks, “don't you ever do something like this again do you hear me!” 

 

Youngjae nods his head up and down then turn to look at jackson who also crying “we were so worried youngjae, we love you man" 

 

Youngjae smile briefly at jackson then look at bambam who crying hysterically “h-hyung we are always here fo-for y-you, you kn-kn-know that ri-right?” 

 

Youngjae chuckles slightly as he nod and ruffles bambam hair. 

 

“Youngjae-ah.” 

 

Youngjae avert his eyes toward JB “I'm so happy you're okay" he sobs, pulling youngjae close. 

 

“is he awake?” asked jinyoung as he walks closer. 

Youngjae smile at jinyoung welcoming him into his arms. 

 

Jinyoung hugging him so tight almost as if he was afraid that he'd vanish into thin air if he lets go. “don't you ever think about leave us do you hear me youngjae! We love you so much!”

 

Youngjae nods his cheek rubbing against jinyoung chest. 

 

“hyung…” 

 

Youngjae pulls away from jinyoung and look over at the younger lad who stood right in front of the room entrance. Yugyeom clinched his fist as he tried to hold back his tears but fail as they came down his rosy cheeks. Everyone back away and gives yugyeom space. Yugyeom walks around to youngjae slowly and carefully almost as if he was trying to figure out if this was real or fake. 

 

“youngjae hyung” his voice cracks 

 

Youngjae smile at yugyeom causing him to run to him. “hyung! Oh my god!” he cries. 

 

Youngjae wraps his arms around yugyeom holding him tightly. 

 

“i was so scared!” he cried “ i thought i lost you!” yugyeom sniffled youngjae smiling with tears falling

 

“I'm sorry i wasn't there! I'm i didn't know you were hurting! I'm so sorry hyung!’ 

 

“yugyeom ah don't cry im okay” 

 

“youngjae hyung... “ yugyeom pulled away and stared into youngjae eyes “You don't have to suffer alone anymore I'm here for you, I've always be here" 

 

Youngjae break down in tears as he apologized for worrying everyone but everyone hugged him and apologized for not knowing he was hurting. After a week or so youngjae began to see a therapist and the member continued to check up on him every day. Yugyeom became very protective and more by youngjae side. Youngjae was back to being this loud boy he always was and sing out of nowhere. The members always made rush to show youngjae how important he is and how much they love him. Because after nearly losing him they swore to make sure to take care of each other more. Especially youngjae because losing him would be like losing the sunlight.  

 

 

**3 month later**

Dear you,   

_ I was afraid of being someone who wasn't good enough, i felt like i was drowning. I was so scared i felt alone… like i couldn't breathe like the walls closed in and the mirror told me i was useless. I wanted to died to get away from the pain… but i don't anymore it feel like i can breathe it's like that the first breathe of air when you've been drowning like that rush when you finally  feel  like you're flying. It's funny because before everything was so black and grey suddenly everything look so bright so colorful I've never been so happy before to be live. I don't wanna die anymore. I wanna keep breathing the same air i breathed every morning i want to see my friends and family smiling and hear them laughing like i always do. Because i realise it's okay to make mistake. Its part of living and your alone your gonna okay the storm eventually ends. So breathe. _

 

Sincerely choi youngjae 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So if i have any error or mistake or something I'm sorry ㅠㅡㅠ  
> I hope you enjoyed this story!! I lowkey sob a bit and i hope it was good.
> 
> also remember to always stay golden even when times are hard itll get better and i know there moment of weakness but you can do it. 
> 
> Remember to comment and enjoy it


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